So you wanna get back with your ex?
Analogy – Your best China plate has been a loyal friend for years, its been banged, knocked and chipped. Then one day you bang it too hard and it cracks down the middle. We can agree that plate will never be the same again. That is what it is like when you break up with your ex completely..I don’t mean a temporary break, those breaks up that you get back together in a few weeks time. When your best china breaks down the middle or shatters then that is we are done and you meant those words. Now your crockery is broken you go out shopping for a brand new quality china; you’be learnt your lessons from the last broken plate. You take greater time, care, you don’t allow that china plate to go through your dishwasher like before, you wash immediately after use and nobody can get near your best china plate for fear they’ll mishandle and break your plate. Now imagine you’ve done all of this for a new plate and then you decide one day that you want to go back to that broken plate a year or two maybe even five years later and use that broken thing for your best food? Really? You’ll grab the super glue and put the two sides of plate together again. It will look good but if u look under the plate you will see the hairline fracture of that break, the truth is it is ugly. You know already that you must walk on egg shells with this plate, you can’t put it in hot water for the glue solution will weaken, you cannot afford bangs and scrapes because the plate is considerably weakened. One knock and the weakened plate breaks easier than before, how many times do you want to mend that plate and how much energy, patience do you have for that plate before you hate it for consistently letting you down. Why go back to the old plate in its broken state when it is easier going to the shop and starting afresh.
I hope you followed and understood what was being said. Going back to your ex is like going back to a broken china plate, that will break again far easier than before.
Getting back with an ex from the past is something a lot of people have ventured into but do past relationships being revived actually work? Honesty being the best policy; most of those relationships go the same way as the first time you and your partner got together; and that is down the drain. One wise individual described going back to an ex relationship as going back to the vomit you puked up the first time round after a break up. So Before you accept the proposal of your ex ask yourself a few important questions.
WHY GO BACKWARDS?
If you have moved forward and even managed to see other people inbetween that time what is lurking behind you? Are you saying that you couldn’t do better or couldn’t find better? Ask yourself who finds something better and goes back to a broken situation. So going back in a sense is conceeding defeat that you couldn’t upgrade your relationship from them. Is that what you are saying? Is that what you want?
WHY DID YOU BREAK UP?
If you had a bad break up why are you going back to a place of pain and heartbreak? Oh yeah you had good times and you smiled loads but if it was so good why did you depart the first time round? A bad break up more time means that the old issues were never resolved that is why you broke up. And in truth there will be issues you might not ever resolve, there will be things in the past you never brought up but getting back with your ex can bring those old unresolved issues. So what happens when your in deep with your ex and old reoccuring themes crop up? Your tears will be double, pain double and your tolerance for the old bullcrap would have considerably lessened from before.
CAN YOU TRUST THEM AGAIN?
Are you willing to put your full trust in something that has failed once? How many people have done the trust exercise where you fall back into your partners arms? Imagine now that during that exercise you fall back and they don’t catch you. If not once many of us have had our trust broken several times. First of all that’s peak and secondly who is going to trust that person who dropped them? We can forgive but forgetting is a different story. Imagine in three years time doing the same exercise will you find strength to trust that individual to catch you in the trust exercise? There are few who would trust that person, it goes against human nature to put your trust in a previously failed situation. What is the point of the relationship if you can’t trust someone 100%. Remember you can forgive but forgetting past mistakes is difficult. That lack of trust and familiarity of your partner will inevitably lead to actions which are detrimental to the relationship. Are you gonna start checking their phone again, search through facebook or even follow them? Can you deal with that, do you want to be in that dark place once more?
CAN YOU DEAL WITH THE SAME STRESS?
All relationships are stressful and each relationship has it’s own stresses and battles that you have to deal with on a consistent bases. So when those past stresses arise again in your new relationship with your ex do you think you’ll have the same energy to deal with it again? Once you’ve left the relationship on a permanent basis your tolerance to deal with stresses of the old considerably decrease. Thus should you see old habits emerging it won’t take long for you to get annoyed, argue or even walk away. Different day same old stuff.
NEW ME AND NEW YOU?
Often when you break up from a lengthy relationship for a considerable amount of time you learn a lot about yourself and about how you want to be treated, how you will treat a new person in future. When you get back with your ex one of two things can happen; you forget all you learned from the break up originally. You forget about how you upgraded yourself and you fall back into old habits because you are familiar with that person already. Another issue is that your expectations of each other change. You’ve been together before and both couples can forget they actually have to get back to knowing, finding out about each other once again. If you fail to re-connect and find out what’s new about each other you won’t be moving forward you’ll be time travelling backwards in your tardis of a relationship.
ARE THEY IMPROVING YOU OR DOWNGRADING YOU?
Getting back with your ex are a better person for it or are they liable to drag you to the bottomless pits of the abyss where once you existed within this relationship? Most partners will say my partner makes me a better person; now you have been there and done that, can you say they have the same positive effect as before or will they give you headaches? The problem with getting back with an ex is that it often drags out the bad, the ugly and the secrets of the last time you got together. Ask yourself why we always remember the worst things about someone before you think about the good they produced?
HAVE YOU FORGIVEN THE PAST?
You broke up but did you resolve all those issues that once ate you up? Well as mentioned earlier bad break ups rarely do end with issues solved. Getting back with your ex, how many people sit down and hash out the past so they can move forward before getting back together? Most people get caught up in familiarity, lust and old love and forget about their past attempt and its failure. The unresolved issues will arise back up to the surface and cause new/old mayhem to unfold in those relationship. Have you forgiven that mistake and let it go in your heart?
ARE WE HEADING IN THE SAME DIRECTION?
The last reasoning why ex relationships seem to fail is that once you break up you find yourself on two separate paths. Your life has changed and you have a clear objectives which could’ve been suffocated by your ex in the past. Now you are getting back together are you in the same the lane. Do you want to get married around same time, do you want kids and how many etc? Is you career path even complementary now? Are willing to quench dreams you have developed in time spent away from your ex just so you can get back together? These are life path questions you need to conjoin on; once you’ve broken up you need to find out if the individual has budged from their old thinking, got a new life destination and can they factor you into their future. Most people like to say we’ll address it when we cross that bridge. By then it’s far too late and by the time you are arguing and realising that you can’t do this again. The bridge is now being set alight.
Nobody is telling you what to do but think about all the above and more before you decide to go back with your ex. There is a reason why you broke up and a reason why you felt it wouldn’t work then, so what has changed to make you think it will work now. Work in progression not digression in anything you do in life and that includes relationships. Why go backwards when forwards is a mystery unknown which is filled with excitement and a new happiness. The choice is up to you, Jojo has spoken once more like a true gentlemen extraordinaire.