Alot of men will identify with such a situation as I am about to delve into. Approaching a woman you find intriguing or attractive can either be nerve racking or secondary instinct, depending on who you are. Whichever one you are; the common fact still remains. The desired outcome you anticipated before making your move is not one hundred percent in the bag. There is an adrenaline rush in approaching a random woman on the street; the rush comes from that uncertainty, the chance of failure keeps an approach distinctive and unique in each case. There have been a few memorable approaches on street which have ended in a total disaster and failure for myself.
The Jojo Story
One warm summer afternoon on the streets of Leicester I was coming from a very good friend’s house. I spotted a very beautiful black girl walking through the town center by the clock tower. The image of her is actually still ingrained in my brain; I could actually remember what she was wearing. White crop top, black midi kind of skirt and all white converse pumps. In all honesty this girl was a comfortable 8.3 overall. The extra 0.3 was for that salacious smile she had.
This is where I bring the deepest of thoughts to play. Before I approached the girl, I compared her against me aesthetics wise. In my own head there are league tables to physical attractiveness. There are 3 main tables; premier league buffness, conference league buffness and Sunday league buffness. If you don’t know football then simply to you It is; Tesco Finest, Tesco Everyday Range and then Tesco Basic. If the illustration by words has missed you then that is your business. There is also a fourth rank which is Celebrity league; the name speaks for itself. It doesn’t count on the scale unless you are actually A, B, C or D listed on the celebrity circuit. Is there even a C or D list? Just in case you are wondering I class myself as Tesco Everyday. If you don’t agree with Me, I don’t care because that is my absolute perception.
League Table of Beauty
Tesco Finest Beauty (premier league)
These are the individuals whose beauty is just beyond comprehension. It is hard to find their type of beauty in any given area. These are people we can universally agree on; “yes you are attractive.” If you don’t agree with the universal consensus then you are probably aren’t apart of the universe. If that didn’t make sense I don’t care because it is my blog. Rare candy. These beauties also transcend Race preferences of individuals. Every background considers you fine to look at.
Tesco Everyday Beauty (conference league)
This is the middle tier which most of us exist in. This league is far different from the premier and basic categorisation, because it is such a huge pool of people with a variety of standards. This league’s beauty is broken into zone 1, zone 2 and zone 3.
Zone 1 is the cream of the everyday group, these people’s beauty is not as rare as Premier league but none the less they do make heads roll. They are more common to find in each area but their beauty does stand out.
10 high – 8 low
Zone 2 This is the biggest group by far. These are the individuals who are actually just pretty and you find loads of them. They are like Ratata in pokemon blue, just everywhere. Standard beauty.
7 high – 5 low
Zone 3 These people are like marmite. Purely up to preference. They are neither too hot nor poor but their physical attractiveness is really down to a preference. Such as some girls can think a guy is hot because his arms or his eyes make him to her a buff individual.
7 high – 3 low purely preference based.
Tesco Basic Beauty (Sunday League)
Universally to those in the above category YOU are Clapped.
Now if you ever put me in that category of clapped you could get clapped. What nonsense. I’m zone 3 Tesco Everyday. My body makes up for my face, especially my arms, they are in premier league but the rest of me stays zone 3. That’s the realist of truths, pains me not to say it.
In conclusion to the league tables. An eight is far different in the Tesco Finest league than an eight in Tesco Everyday.
Personal Experience continuedHSBS Hair – Is it combed? Breathe – Do you need chewing gum? Hands – Are they fully creamed Shoes – Are they clean?
The Jojo Story
So this girl was most Definitely zone1 low, so in a sense I was out of my league. My immediate reaction was fear of rejection by defamation of words in my face. I didn’t immediately approach the girl, quickly I did HBHS so there was nothing that would hinder my progress. Once I had the all clear I stupidly let the girl walked past me and I said nothing. Fear had gripped me and all the smooth lines I had prepared was like water in the blazing sun, evaporated. In such moments you can see the person walking away further and further and my mind was fighting itself. Where do you gain the confidence from? What wells within you do you draw it from? The internal insults began. “If you don’t do this you are a prick. Wasteman. Soft. Weak.” Then the questions arose. “What are you scared about? Is she a celebrity that you are scared to make a move? What if another dude or girl over hears you and laughs at you? So Many more questions fire the membranes of thought. The final prevailing thought was a mix of a lie and truth.
You don’t care if you get rejected harshly, I am wearing my bullet proof Jacket. Ready for the ammunition coming my way.
No I was not ready but I had psyched myself up and was ready to go over and talk to her. Quickly I did a Usain Bolt dash at a much slower pace than the athlete himself and caught up to this girl by the Hmv. We thank God for fitness because when I caught up with her my breathing was stable. How embarrassing would it have been to try talking to her whilst breathing like Mo Farah after a 10,000 meter run? Anyway Before I even said a word; this beautiful black girl’s face contoured, contorted and crooked into a look of discontent and disapproval of a thousand dead ancestors. It was like she had seen the vilest thing ever cross her face. My heart went into Keifer Sutherland 24 style. Gooda Goom Doot Doot Badoom. You know the sounds I am talking about. It is accompanied by sudden sweaty palms, rising temperature, deep heart beat in your ears and that heart dropping into your stomach feeling you get on a rollercoaster. For literally a second I think my heart just flat lined. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh! Glory to Jesus for revival I was dead for a minute. I wondered where do I go from here? Is hello even appropriate? Hold on Do I stink if B.O. or has one animal died in my mouth? What is this girl seeing, feeling or believing that I can’t also identify with, because her face had become a den of witches. If it wasn’t for male Pride and Ego stepping in, there wouldn’t have been a conversation, if you could call it that.
Me: Sorry I just had to catch up to you
Her: (interrupting) Why? (She says With Attitude)
Me: Your beauty drew me in
Her: Stop. Just stop. (Puts her hand up) Look no offence (when people say this it is all over Jackie they are about to offend you) But whatever you are selling I am not buying.
Her: You are coming over here to draws me (chat me up) and I ain’t interested. What actually made you think you could come over. I am offended.
Conversation done. She didn’t even kiss her teeth but the audacity to say bye like we were cool annoyed me more. My immediate reaction was “b@#ch you’re so buff. I dislike you for being so buff because it’s highly unlikely you will suffer in this way you have made me suffer.” Was there any need for such a rebuking and rebuttal? The body armor was not made for shells this powerful, I was bleeding everywhere. Literally I stood for ten minutes in a blank daze. If I am honest, two feelings came over me after I began the trek to the train station.
1. This intense buzz. Well if I didn’t die on this occasion I can talk to any girl in this mood.
2.This rejection has actually hurt me deeper than I care to admit.
The rejection was so intense that only when I got home two hours later did I actually feel the actual weight and gravity of what had actually happened to me. This girl had terminated me like a bad contract. Insecurities just flooded me all at once. I can’t even delve into those thoughts right now but they were just saddening. For an hour I was replaying my approach in my head; maybe I did this and this wrong or perhaps this wrong. To reject me was her divine right but to do it in such a way told me alot about people and her character in general. That rejection never killed me but it did hurt. It never made me want to date any other race of women because one black girl decided to use my feelings for banter. Strength of character is built from such moments. It wasn’t first rejection and it weren’t my last.
What I Learnt?
That decisively devilish moment from one inconsiderate, but very buff (good looking) black girl taught me so much. First and foremost is that some will believe they are of a certain stature in looks and if you don’t match their standard you will be inevitably clapped (ugly) to them. Secondly if you are Clapped in someone’s eyes does that person have the humility to not finish you with the golden gun of words? Can they decline without making your existence seemingly insubstantial. Thirdly I learnt about myself, to some people you are Tesco Basic and there is nothing you say can say that will change that or is there? In conclusion whenever you are dealing with people’s emotions just be humble about it. If he or she likes you and you think they are Clapped beyond your wildest nightmares, let them down gently because I guarantee you, someone thinks YOU ARE CLAPPED. I’m Jojo and this is X-files Episode 1.