The title in itself is quite striking and indeed the topic itself is one that strikes a nerve. Many marriages in our generation have failed and there are a few factors as to why that is; the working women has less time to be the glue that holds a family together, divorce in our society is now considered a normality, the failure to understand marriage is for life and not until you feel tired, failure to imitate our grandparents model for marriage, lack of knowledge of a partner before going into a marriage and that is where the title “Do you know the evil.” Today’s topic is about why knowing evil is important before you delve into marriage.
Do you really know your partner well? Many of our generation today are quick to fall in love and have children and marriages but many are unequipped in handling such situations in their life. Marriages are a unison of two people FOREVER but we as a rebellious people have taken marriage as just a stepping stone one must do to prove their love. So why if marriage is your tool to prove your love, are so many marriages breaking down. As we stated a few above we are going to concentrate on this sole issue of getting to know the evil. Before any man or woman jumps into marriage one must ask themselves whether they truly know the person they want to spend eternity with. “Do you know the evil” is a term that is meant to be taken as; have you found out if you can cope with your partners annoying mannerisms? When you argue how far do they take it, do they even have limitations? Do you even have disagreements? Do you know evil goes even deeper because the darkest of nature comes out when people are under pressure; have you seen your partner under pressure? Life isn’t a smooth long straight road as we know; it has valleys and hills and their ups and downs affect us all. Can you still be loyal in those times where money is tight and luxuries are at a premium? These are the type of things we as a generation have failed to analyse about our partner. Are we asking you to ask these type of questions directly? Not at all but you should be an observer of behaviour and answer the questions for yourselves.
We likened marriage to boxing. Don’t misunderstand what we are saying here. Stick with us. A boxer goes into strict training before he enters the ring with the chosen opponent; they study their opponent well by observing their tapes and anticipating their strategy they will bring to the ring. The boxer enlightens himself with all the evil of the opponent before he reaches ringside months down the line, so he isn’t faced hopefully with too much surprise. Mohammad Ali said I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’ The boxer suffers much in training so that he can conquer in the ring and this is very much how relationships should operate. Our generation fails to go to spa with their partner; meaning they fail to truly get to know them for what they truly are. They only deal with the person skin deep and when they are dating, engaged, about to get married and enter the ring they are under equipped to face the opponent we call marriage. The opponent in the ring isn’t your partner it is marriage and if you don’t train well with your partner by actually spending quality time together, talking in depth to each other, sharing your feelings and getting deeper than just the skin of them then you will not be a champion in the ring and then you find yourself beaten. Out for the count and staring at the referee with 7, 8, 9 and 10. You conquer marriage you must learn all about who you are going into it with and really be versed in your partner’s ways, mannerisms, habits, nature, and nurture and how they react to pressure. The champions of marriage are often the ones who understand the evil of marriage and how it tries to punch you out.
“The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses—behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.” Muhammad Ali. Another quote from one of the greatest boxers to ever grace this planet. Attaining the title of champion of marriage is all done in the gym; the fight to win your marriage is all done in the pre engagement fazes of your relationship. A boxer sets a date ahead of himself and trains to meet that deadline. How many of our generation are rushing the observation stage of training; a boxer watches tapes and the trainer directs them on the weak points of the opponent. The trainer will go further and expose your on weaknesses and how the opponent can hurt you.
How many of our generation know their weaknesses and their partner’s weaknesses?
It is the weakness that is one cause of people ordinarily filing for divorce. When a little bit of pressure is applied they fold. If you don’t know your weakness when you get into the ring you are going to be getting some heavy punches in that area and it will almost be impossible to recover. Now the opponent knows you failed to work on your weakness; it is only a matter of time under pressure before you bow out the marriage. Watching tapes isn’t just watching your opponents other fights but it is watching your own. Have individuals taken time to learn from previous relationships? Have individuals observed how a good marriage should function? Do they even have knowledge of a good marriage? This is one of the key issues with the upcoming newbies who get married, they often have only seen single parents and their expectation is different from their hope The surprises that marriage can bring? The tape watching stands for observation and our generation fails to watch and be observant so their learning experience is minimal, hence they fail to see the evil coming their way in the marriage and run to divorce; the exit door.
Who is your trainer?
Who is the elder overlooking your relationship or the third person who can keep a mutual and unbiased view of the relationship? A trusted individual that both of you can get sound, solid advice from. Often having two trainers; one for you and one for your partner can work but a lot of time you get conflicting advice if both trainers have their own ideas and views on situations. A boxer needs a great trainer; Mike Tyson is a classic example of a boxer who lost a trainer and lost his way. We mentioned an elder to be the trainer but we can extend that to someone who is wise in relationships, or an individual who has a good CV in marital affairs. In any case it is good to have an overseer in relationships to give the scales a balanced view and a third point of view in order to help move certain situations a marriage will face forward. The trainer also provides a unique perspective and the evil you may be facing in a marriage currently they can show you ways how to beat it, go around it or stop it from reoccurring. Our generation is too quick to want to elope on their ideals and surface influenced love and turn it into long term commitment.
HOW TO SEE EVIL
When a boxer sets a date for their fight they often work towards that goal. To be able to see the evil in a partner and whether they are right for marriage one must take time and spend time. A boxer will set a date to fight long into the future so it gives him all the time to see all the works of the opponent. In the case of going into a marriage one must take time and not be in a rush and hurry to take upon himself the ultimate commitment. Slow down. Imagine running past a shop window at full speed; you will be able to see the really big and bright things in the window. It is the same with Relationships and a boxer; the obvious things one can see but after you pause and study the opponent, the shop window and partner. Only then will you be able to pick up on the smaller things which will affect your marriage in future. The first day a roof leaks is not the day it collapses but it is after the continual pressure over time.
IN THE DARK
Evil exists in darkness; there is a phrase which is “you are in the dark.” It means one is not understanding, one is not enlightened about something. The same applies here; seeing evil requires illumination of knowledge, which should become understanding. Knowledge is only good if you know how to use it. Example; you could be in a complete dark room but have a lighter in your hand, but if you don’t know how to use a lighter but you know you have a lighter, you still stay in darkness. To gain understanding is to seek for the answer or search. There is evil in all of us; it’s not everything that your partner does that you like. Your partner could be very stubborn and over a few issues she has put her foot down and won’t budge; listen that stubbornness is her evil. The next question is can you handle it? Once marriage comes into the equation you now cant decided that it is too much; you better find a way to make it work. If you don’t even open your eyes to analyse that behaviour as a long term behavioural trait you will go into marriage in darkness and when the stubbornness pops up you will fighting an already losing battle.
THE RED DRESS
David Haye was being interviewed on one occasion and he said that during his training leading up to a bout he denied himself the pleasures of sex with his other half. WHY? Well it disrupts the training focus and it is a myth that men lose testosterone, which is needed in such an aggressive sport. Well let’s focus on this point, which many of you are not going to like. Having sex often gets people to be fuelled and coked up on adrenaline of the relationship. Sex complicates things and actually blinds people to the blatantly obvious and the tiny evil traits people have. Abstaining before the bout keeps a fighter focused and on his routine in order to reach the destined goal. Our generation is too focused on having sex like rabbits and enjoying the spoils of a marriage. A lot of people have hung onto relationships just because of sex; wither they don’t want another number added to their sexual partner list, they are used to being intimate with the chosen person, the sex is just that good. Whatever the reason sex clouds judgement. Remember matrix when Neo is walking through the crowd and the woman is wearing the red dress? His focus on the course he was taking was interrupted and the goal was blurred. Sex is that lady in the red dress. You will fail to see much evil if you are thrusting yourself into a steamy relationship; steam makes it hard to see.
YOU KNOW EVIL FLEE FROM IT
If a boxer knows the left hand of the opponent is the feared weapon that could cause him trouble, he will be trained to avoid being hit by the left. In relationships there is a known evil in people and some of you purposefully go towards it instead of fleeing. The man is a known cheat and when you dated him, he still is too free with his behaviour with other woman. That is a left hander right there; why are you not fleeing? Your trainer has warned you; people told you about him but you said you don’t see the side of him like I do. You get in the ring and after four rounds (four years) he knocks you out by cheating. Who can you blame; listen there is only so much you can place blame on the man. Take responsibility and stop letting your eyes dictate your decision. How do optical illusions work? They work when you look at it; if you aren’t looking at it or you close your eyes you can’t be fooled. In the same manner if you let your eyes tell you this person is good you will lose in the ring eventually.
Seeing the evil is necessary to a successful marriage but that starts in the gym. Take time and de-scale our eyes to see clearly; don’t be in the dark because you refuse to look deeper than the surface. Marriage isn’t an opponent you go into half ready, or haven’t you noticed that a boxer pulls out of a bout if he is not feeling a hundred percent. If you are not sure about your partner and have seen something for cause of concern, you better halt that marriage. You may say everything is set but the pickle and cost of divorce is greater than finances. Slow down and really analyse the tapes in your mind, was their behaviour a cause for concern. If you can handle the evil the other is bringing then by all means go forth and marry. Just remember Jojo has spoken.